Have you noticed the increase in posts on social media about being happy? I have! There seems to be a cultural shift happening in our society moving us toward living a more conscious life. Thanks to social media we are being asked to become aware of our thoughts, feelings and current habits daily through videos, quotes, GIFs and rants.
The only thing missing – The How.
So many people I talk to say, “Okay, I get it, happiness is an inside job. I need to create it. BUT HOW?!”
For a long, long time, I felt this way too. I was so lost when it came to “finding” happiness because I kept looking outside of myself. It wasn’t until 2012 when I went through a quarter life crisis and lost my business, my boyfriend, my self-respect and confidence (what little I had) that I realized what happiness was all about.
Thankfully, this quarter life crisis led me to a spiritual awakening that taught me HOW to create my own happiness in a world and life that is never, and will never be perfect.
My goal in this four-part blog series, How to Make 2017 Your Best Year Yet, is to help you kick off the New Year with a clear intention on how to create happiness and joy in an imperfect world. As a main focus for myself over the last three years, I’ve read articles from the Chopra Center, listened to happiness “gurus,” and talked deeply with other professionals in my field. I’ve concluded that there are four common essentials one must practice daily to fully shift our minds and retrain our brains to attract and create more happiness into our lives.
I must warn you that this takes conscious and consistent work on our part to create this change. Be patient as you begin to incorporate these mind shifts, as they will not evolve over night. Trust me.
The other point I’d like to address before we dive in, is that some psychologist believe that each person is born to only reach a certain genetic, predetermined level of happiness. Positive Psychologists theorize differently, that one can create more happiness in their life by changing their perceptions to a more positive mind frame.
Dedicating the last three years to work very hard on myself using as much information as I could, here is the first of the four common essentials I’ve discovered.
Acceptance
How can we possibly be happy if we cannot accept who we are or the situations we face in our lives? When we choose to dwell, or hold on to situations, people, ideas, etc. that we cannot change, we create negativity in our mind, and it’s very hard to be happy with a negative mindset. We must get to the point of being able to recognize that we cannot control situations or people outside of ourselves, we can only control our reactions. Once this is fully understood, you’ve made progress – congrats!
Putting it into Practice
Here is an exercise to try. At the top of a piece of paper, write down a situation in your life that causes you pain, anxiety, or unhappiness.
Next draw a line down the middle of the page and on the top left column label it, ‘Can Not Change’. Write down the things in this column that bother you but you cannot change about this situation, (pretty much everything outside of yourself).
On the top right side of the line, write ‘Things I Can Change’. Write down what you have control over in this situation (pretty much everything inside yourself; perceptions, thoughts, both negative and positive, feelings and actions).
Now look hard at this piece of paper and begin to accept that this is reality. We can only change things within us.
Now the work.
3 Ways to Live in Acceptance
1. Stop sitting in the mud puddle. Sure, life gets muddy. Start by switching your focus to the things you can change. By doing so, you are taking control and building self-confidence. You’re no longer sitting in your mud puddle; you’re cleaning it up. Kudos!
2. Be okay with who you are and accept the areas that you do not know yet. Happy people know themselves. They know their weaknesses and their insecurities and accept them as part of who they are, knowing they can always change. In other words, their secure with being insecure. Say that out loud to yourself. They are okay with not knowing. This is a big part of accepting everything about yourself or a situation. We are human beings – we are not going to feel good about our life all the time, so be okay with that fact. Family, job and relationship issues will arise. The sooner that we can accept that life is going to be sour sometimes, the sooner we can get on with changing what we can/want to change about it.
3. Do not compare yourself to others, instead be inspired by them. Comparison is the thief of joy, the joy of being you. You’re not accepting you for who you are. Do not compare someone’s social media reel to your reality. The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop immediately and remember that you are not that person and you have no idea what their journey is about. Then bring your focus back to all the wonderful things going on in your life.
Take this week and practice living in acceptance. Give the exercises suggested a try and feel free to comment below or contact me to share your experience.
Next week, we are going to implement gratitude even when it feels like there isn’t much to be grateful for.