I became aware of a new level of growth for myself that aligns with deepening the relationship with myself. I’ve been with Jake since I was 21, and I found that the next layer that I wanted to peel back was around different ways that I depend on him that enable me to be codependent. While this next layer may be an ongoing process, I decided to start with hobbies that we enjoy together but at I rely on him to pull the weight and I would like to be able to do on my own without him.
Backpacking and camping for one night on Mount Charleston. I realized you really have to want to do this if you’re going up for just a night because it’s a lot of work if it’s new to you. I was totally okay with that at this point as I was just trying something new and only making a night of it was actually more comfortable for me. However, after having had the experience I can see how a short morning hike before heading back down could bring it to the next level. Even going up for two nights, though the pack would have been heavier, would have prolonged experience.
Everything was new to me. What to pack, how to pack, how to fit the backpack to you, how much water and food to bring, how the camping stove works, how to set up the tent. Most importantly, how to pack it all up the next morning most effectively and efficiently.
I wasn’t alone. I did this with two other women, one who was pretty experienced, so if I really needed help it was there, but my goal was to do this as independently as possible.
Overall the experience was a success. As part of the process, in the beginning, we had to stop a couple of times on the way up to adjust my 30lb pack so that it felt more comfortable on my back. The hike was intense at times with steep switchbacks. It was 5 miles up and took around 3 hours. I set up my one-person tent without a problem. We boiled water to make our dinner. Ate while we enjoyed a little bit of wine, followed by the perfect, open view of watching the sunset. It got chilly at night and I was a layer short for sitting out and chatting, but come bedtime and I was comfortable in my sleeping bag. The temp dropped to around 48 degrees on the mountain at night but in the early morning light, it was crisp, refreshing and calm. We enjoyed some coffee, breakfast and good conversation before packing up our stuff to head back down the 5 miles before returning home.
This experience was empowering. I felt a sense of accomplishment, inner strength and a deeper connection to myself because I could trust and rely on myself. I was proud of myself for moving forward with this experience even though I was a bit uncomfortable. All of that comes with a deeper sense of enjoying yourself. When you can enjoy yourself, you like yourself, and when you like yourself, you realize that the only person you really need to accept you, is you.
Are there areas of your life where you could deepen the relationship with yourself by learning to become more independent or self-sufficient, whether that supports you emotionally, physically, or mentally?